Anna Nagel

An Unusual Wedding

I went to a wedding recently. It was my daughter’s. The invite was quite a surprise because she is only twelve and I have never met the young man. I didn’t even know they were going out!

It took me three days to make the wedding dress, despite choosing a simple pattern. The fact that I sewed up one armhole by mistake and confused the back and front bodice sections didn’t save time! Still in the end it fitted – huge sigh of relief – and she even liked it.

There were no wedding jitters; she consumed a hearty breakfast and scurried off to school with her wedding dress and assorted bling packed in her rucksack and an indefatigable smile on her face. At the appointed hour, I put on my poshest dress and kitten heels, and followed her to school, where, as mother of the bride, I was introduced to her father. His name was Lord Montague – a very charming young man, whom I was certain I’d never met before. 

The wedding took place in a classroom. The groom was handsome, the bride, naturally, beautiful, proving to everyone that it is possible to wear school trousers under a full length gown and still look chic. I was a proud mum. They exchanged Haribo wedding rings, and the groom kissed the bride on the cheek. We then decamped to another classroom for a wedding breakfast : Midget gems, digestive biscuits, Mini Cheddars, chocolate biscuits and onion rings, followed by chocolate wedding cake. They offered me champagne but it tasted like orange squash. Still, Lord Montague put an onion ring on my finger and offered to take me on a cruise, so things were looking up.

We had more photos outside, to the great entertainment of the rest of the school, who watched out of the windows. My daughter threw her bouquet which I somehow managed to catch. Bit of a faux pas really, being the bride’s mother.
I went home nibbling the onion ring on my finger, wondering why education had never been as much fun when I was at school, but that was in the dark ages.